Going through a separation and divorce is difficult, no matter what stage it happens in your life.
Below are some common mistakes women make concerning divorce.
Not giving themselves enough time to grieve
Divorce is an emotional loss. No matter how bad the relationship was and how glad you are to leave your spouse, realize it is still a loss. Give yourself time to grieve. Grieve comes in waves. Remember that the pain can overwhelm you long after the divorce has taken place. Each person has their way and timeline when it comes to dealing with grieve. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time to grieve, no matter how long it takes.
Letting emotions ride over reason
Depending on the reasons for the separation, it may or may not have been amicable. Don’t let your emotions of grief, anger, or resentment dictate your actions. These actions may have long-term consequences. Resentment breeds more resentment. You need to be civil if you are hoping for co-operation in a fair distribution of assets.
Making rash decisions
You will need to make many decisions once you decide to separate. If you owned a house together, you would have to decide to either sell the house and split the sale proceeds or buy your spouse’s share of the house if one of you decides to keep the house.
You may have to split your pensions, the family cottage, etc. Take your time to make these decisions. They may have long-term consequences. Get the help of a financial advisor before making any financial decisions.
Turning their children against their exes
Your children are not the cause of your relationship breakdown. Even if you despise your spouse, they are still a part of your ex.
Your ex is a part of your children. It is in their best interest, and yours, not to taint their relationship with your ex. Manage your emotions when expressing your feelings about your divorce to your children, regardless of your children’s ages.
Rushing into a new relationship
The sense of loss is real. And while it is tempting to get into a new relationship as a way to forget the past, you need to understand that getting into a new relationship before dealing with the fall out from the past, can result in shadows from the past revisiting the present and potentially affecting your future. This can affect various aspects of your life and your children’s lives. Including your finances.
Take time to get into a new relationship, or you may end up getting into one on the rebound. It takes time to heal from a broken relationship. You and your future deserve that.
Not re-establishing their finances
Even before you take steps to separate from your spouse, you should establish your finances. If you were married, chances are you have joint bank accounts and credit facilities.
If you never had a credit facility just in your name, but as a secondary holder, you may not have a credit history. It may make it more difficult to establish a credit history just in your name. You must set up individual bank and investment accounts and a credit card just in your name. Another thing that often gets overlooked is the need to update their estate plans to reflect the new reality
Getting divorced doesn’t automatically cancel, Invalidate, or revoke a Will. It is essential to get your will updated or to create an entirely new one after divorce. And definitely way before remarriage.
Not Getting The Right Advise
When a separation and divorce happens, it is normal to seek the comfort and support of friends. The danger is the incorrect advise some of these friends may want to give. it is imperative that someone going through a divorce gets legal advise from a lawyer and financial advise from an accredited advisor. It would also be helpful if she gets counselling from a good therapist who can help her navigate this very difficult time of her life.
A divorce is a traumatic event. You must seek counseling and emotional support to help you navigate this difficult time. Most important, give yourself time to heal. And take your time making financial decisions you can live with long after the divorce.
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For twenty-five years, Jennifer has helped families achieve their long terms goals and develop a consciousness for wealth. Through one on one coaching, webinars, online courses, and public speaking, Jennifer empowers individuals and businesses to manifest the outcomes they desire. For a consultation, please email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
She has written numerous books on money: Women and Money: 7 Principles Every Woman Needs to Know to Be Financially Prepared in Any Economy and Growing Up With Money: Raising Financially Resilient Kids in an Age of Uncertainty.